I have no sense of time
case in point:
it is 2:30 am right now
and I'm wide awake

What would I give
to start over again?
to actually live and forgive,
not become emotionally crippled

Close those eyes so tightly
squint and wait a while
an afterimage will appear
of a fiery sun in a cloudless blue sky

When I was younger
with little fingers pressing into these eyes
wondering if this was God
that only I could see

Then I was sick,
plunged into a tub
of ice cubes and cold water
to abruptly bring this fever down

Falling backwards into sleep
the door was slightly cracked
light spilled from beneath,
illuminating rapidly dancing eyes

Out of this body
with a feeling of accelerated ascension
to view my passed grandmother
smiling behind a pane of glass

Now my eyes are cloudy
vision filled with apparitions
nothing is actually there,
somehow go on as before

mathiasthom
written 6/30/11