Thursdays Child

scurry, scurry little ants, that the hive might thrive
do not falter summer squirrel for winter soon arrives
these the mindless moments that fill our pointless lives
all of life until we die, is merely to survive

I try to see the beauty in every new sunrise
knowing new days only bring new forms of compromise
while all around the meaning found crumbles into lies
hope dies, heart sighs, life is pain without reprise

children shall I teach you of futility and loss
shall I tell you every joy has come at such steep cost
fleeting moments fading fast in memory get lost
that happiness is only ever tasted as almost

no I think 'tis only me who suffers so much woe
empty seed was all I really ever had to sow
no surprise the harvest is afflicted with sorrow
Thursday's child it would seem, still has far to go

so up I am to greet the day with grim determination
somehow I must find the strength to acheive my reclamation
break these chains of misery, despair and isolation
if only to share lessons learned from bitter desperation

I may have only known the darker, dismal side of life
but there are lessons to be learned in never ending strife
I am more than qualified to teach you how to fight
sadly I am ill-equipped to teach you what is right

knowledge is illusion which wisdom strips away
there are no real answers here to light our lonely way
is there a God?  I do not know, I really could not say
all I know is what it takes to make it one more day

I fought for love I did not feel for all these empty years
trying to fix someone else while avoiding my own fears
my life is just a fun house of distorted, twisted mirrors
and I am only drowning in my sea of unshed tears

for you, my children, I will not resign to this defeat
please give me just a little time to taste of something sweet
I need to know myself again, to escape this vain deceit
I'm digging through my wreckage but as yet am incomplete

my heart is sorely grieved, my self-respect is gone
I've finally faced the hard cold truth, I knew it all along
choices made with good intentions ever turn out wrong
the harshest truths are holding me aloof and so withdrawn

my love for all of you compels speedy recovery
but haste makes waste and I can't afford the loss of more of me
if I'm to teach you anything of value, can't you see
I must learn to find the answers in self-discovery

be patient please sweet babies, know the day will soon arrive
when Mommy will be happy, smiling, laughing by your side
for now I know you know I'm sad, but this is just a season
cold and hard this journey is, but not without a reason