bay-area tourist beware
here in the mountains you have a name
you're flat-landers, you're all the same
and I have to say I find delight
in observing you big-city types
you drive your Saab's at reckless speed
'cause you must be the first to ski
and though the blizzard lingers on
you lead the idiotic throng
to which you city fools belong
as merrily you rush along
the roads are closed but you're headstrong
rush, rush, rush, this won't take long
so up and down the interstate
you morons have to sit and wait
stuck in cars with heated seats
the raging storm has got you beat
but you will not admit defeat
your pride denies a wise retreat
until you've skied you're incomplete
at the gas station you rudely cut in line
us local hicks are wasting your valuable time
you honk your horn and flip the bird
we laugh because you're just absurd
a special class of stuck-up turd
a member of the dum-dum herd
this thought we know has not occurred
your presence here is not preferred
so enjoy it as you get detoured
your impromptu trip is now deferred
In the summer it's the lake you seek
as usual your driving stinks
you cruise the curves in wild haste
your precious time you will not waste
so from the road cops peel your paste
and with your wreckage we get graced
but others plans can't be displaced
carry on this annual idiot race
I may wear my red-neck hat
and smile as you race by
I know where the speed traps are
and I'll laugh when you're pulled to the side
and one last word flat-lander friend
at Ikeda's you will all stop in
to grab the ritualized burger meal
this tasty treat holds great appeal
your ilk all think it's such a deal
ten dollar burgers aren't a steal
we natives worked there in the summer
what we learned was such a bummer
we've seen the cockroach colony
and rats that left their poo and pee
we laugh at your insulting tone
and pseudo-intellectual pose
your eating the filthiest shit there is
I mean this quite literally
while looking down your nose at me
I've a news flash flatland bozo
we locals live where you dream to go
and everyday enjoy the life
you long for in your pin-striped tie
all that you will ever be
is a boost to our economy
so know this when you see our smile
we will never like your style
you may be rich but we've got wiles
and we know where not to eat.
you're flat-landers, you're all the same
and I have to say I find delight
in observing you big-city types
you drive your Saab's at reckless speed
'cause you must be the first to ski
and though the blizzard lingers on
you lead the idiotic throng
to which you city fools belong
as merrily you rush along
the roads are closed but you're headstrong
rush, rush, rush, this won't take long
so up and down the interstate
you morons have to sit and wait
stuck in cars with heated seats
the raging storm has got you beat
but you will not admit defeat
your pride denies a wise retreat
until you've skied you're incomplete
at the gas station you rudely cut in line
us local hicks are wasting your valuable time
you honk your horn and flip the bird
we laugh because you're just absurd
a special class of stuck-up turd
a member of the dum-dum herd
this thought we know has not occurred
your presence here is not preferred
so enjoy it as you get detoured
your impromptu trip is now deferred
In the summer it's the lake you seek
as usual your driving stinks
you cruise the curves in wild haste
your precious time you will not waste
so from the road cops peel your paste
and with your wreckage we get graced
but others plans can't be displaced
carry on this annual idiot race
I may wear my red-neck hat
and smile as you race by
I know where the speed traps are
and I'll laugh when you're pulled to the side
and one last word flat-lander friend
at Ikeda's you will all stop in
to grab the ritualized burger meal
this tasty treat holds great appeal
your ilk all think it's such a deal
ten dollar burgers aren't a steal
we natives worked there in the summer
what we learned was such a bummer
we've seen the cockroach colony
and rats that left their poo and pee
we laugh at your insulting tone
and pseudo-intellectual pose
your eating the filthiest shit there is
I mean this quite literally
while looking down your nose at me
I've a news flash flatland bozo
we locals live where you dream to go
and everyday enjoy the life
you long for in your pin-striped tie
all that you will ever be
is a boost to our economy
so know this when you see our smile
we will never like your style
you may be rich but we've got wiles
and we know where not to eat.
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