I thought that I could
Change him, it's not for me
But for him, I told myself
These lies as I looked wistfully
Into the eyes of a man that
Was never truly mine...I played the
Victim only to find that
I was the offender. I stopped
My ears, In anger, I cried for
Hours, wishing someone could
Understand why I feel like this,
I have absolutely no control
Over who I fall in love with!
And the love we shared,
If I were to leave, it would
Break my own heart and I
Don't think that's what God
Really wants...But in reality,
It was never about God, No,
It was only for me.

Now I'm stuck inside   
A relationship with endless
Possibilities but no true revelation
Of what God really wants for me.  

Yes, He allowed us to meet,
Because He knew how lonely I was...
Maybe for a while I was the
Missionary and he was the absentee
But when things flipped upside down,
God made me look back and he
Turned my life around-facing the
Opposite direction from where I met him.

For many nights, I cried...
Thinking, why didn't you tell me
This would hurt so much?!
When I did a re-cap,
He did! He did tell me,
But I didn't want to listen.