Should old acquaintance be forgot?
Should that only be asked on New Year's Eve?
And afterward, all through the rest of the year,
Treat living friends as though they are not.
Even those who face some great horror-movie-like fear.
Time is racing by me so fast, as fast as weavers weave.
Many parts of my life are falling apart or are already shot.
What do I fear most?  Honestly, I fear the treatments most.
The new treatments, that are proposed for me, now that cancer
Has found and filled hundreds of my lymph nodes, locally and distantly.
Sure, this newly discovered spread of the cancer scares me;
But, are these proposed new treatments truly a life-friendly answer?
I fear that they will maim my mind, damage my memory, my intellect,
Reduce or even kill my creativity; reduce or deform my intelligence.
The way that previous treatments--no longer doing me any good--
Have weakened and damaged and even crippled me in my body.
My mind, my good mind, my miraculous mind--with my magic memory,
My excellent comprehension, my innovative and creative power--
Even my heart and soul, my emotions, feelings, values, even my dreams--
All of me mentally and spiritually may soon be coming apart at the seams,
If I submit to the poisonous new treatments of the growth and metastasis.
That is what I fear most, more than I fear being made a ghost--
More than I fear even being made nothing, if that is the final dissipation.
But if I don't submit, then my life may be forfeit sooner, much sooner;
And the pain of bones that cancer will be chewing to pieces terrifies me.
What do I fear second most?  Being at the mercy of, or in the power of,
People who do not care about me, showing me not even humane love.
And that is what will happen if I am abandoned by my friends.
That sounds like a self-contradiction; for friends, almost by definition,
Should be among those who can be counted on, and will not neglect.
But the realities of this world often fail to follow what seems logical.
If I don't submit to the new treatments with their terrible side effects--
Or even if I do--eventually, I will get more and more disabled, and be
In the power of those who see me as a job, and do not care about me.
Only true friends can help me now--and, especially, then--while I fall.
Now--to enrich my time, with help to do things;
And to gift my life with their presence of love.
Then--to protect me from abuse; and to help fill my wants and needs,
Needful things and deeds.   Especially, to continue their presence of love.
Then and now--to make me--in my life's present new unfamiliar phase,
This madly mixed maze--
And in my coming declining days--
Feel loved and free.
Without such friends, there will be almost total misery for me.
With such true friends, I will be happily grateful, and gratefully happy.
And I will live and love my life, even as death enfolds me in its mystery.

==============================
Written by Michael LP, aka MLP
aka PoetWithCancer, aka PWC, aka Mr. Poet
Written on Thursday, April 21, 2011  3:25 PDT
80 degrees F.  Humidity:  17%  Forecast: overcast
Copyright (C) 2011 by Michael LP.  All rights reserved