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News from Buda Texas is rolling in

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On Tuesday past a long horn steer strayed into town and into old Mrs. Cornhut’s back yard and ate all of her prize roses. Unfortunately the steer then developed a severe case of diarrhea and deposited its load in several giant pools on the sidewalk out front forcing those passing by to detour into Mrs. Cornhut’s front yard trampling all of her prize geraniums.  The Department of Sanitation was summoned and spent the better part of the day attempting to corral the oozing mess and scoop it into a dump truck which leaked like a sieve causing the ooze to further contaminate the entire neighborhood. Wild Life Control arrived just in time to see the steer deposit another load before heading out of town down route 228 leaving behind what appeared to drivers to be an oil slick at least a half mile long.

Last week at the annual Veteran’s Day parade Rosie Redenwilling was riding atop the Buda old Number 9 fire engine tossing Hershey’s kisses to all the cowhands that had gathered in town to celebrate the occasion as well down a few snorts at Chili’s Grill and Bar. Rosie’s head was adorned with her favorite Sunday go-to-meeting hat which consisted of a fake bed of petunias topped by three giant sunflowers. As fate would have it a passing swarm of honey bees spotted her hat and mistaking it for a flower garden began to attack it as if it were the real thing. Rosie leaped from atop the fire engine in fear of her life catching her skirt on the protruding fire hose and having it ripped from her person as she landed in the midst of five cowhands now wearing only her hat and her purple pantaloons with the words “squeeze here” printed across the backside. The cowhands held her aloft and in an attempt to escape the ravaging bees that were still swarming around her hat headed off down the street with Rosie in tow.  As they disappeared into the bar at the end of the street it was reported that Rosie was heard screaming at the top of her voice what sounded to all that observed like “Ride M Cowboy”.

Yesterday there was another reported sighting of a man who resembled Mark Twain at the Sac N Pac store on Canyon Wren Road.  He apparently entered the store and asked the clerk if they carried Ruben’s distilled cough syrup and hair restoration tonic. Upon being told by the clerk that they carried not such a product. the man left in a huff. A customer stopped him on his way out and ask if he were really Mark Twain.  He responded ‘of course not, my name is Captain Isaiah Sellers’ and left the store while slyly pocketing a package of juicy fruit gum from the counter as he exited.  We are requesting that any citizens who might encounter this strange man on the streets of Buda call our editor’s desk immediately.

More news from Buda at a later date.

©Copyright Charlie Gragg November 18, 2009