Falling Flat

3 Comments

Tags:
  • Love

    Poem Commentary

    this poem is kind of random and unfocused, i feel ike it goes in too many directions to be considered very good.

    Falling Flat

    I watch down from above,
    head in hands, on elbows propping up,
    floating on a wispy cloud of 'barely-conscious' 
    and see myself falling for her.
    I stumble, in awe,
    over her stunning kindness,
    trip bluntly over the perfect understanding,
    and fall flat
    into that striking beauty.
    My foot is in my mouth
    when I try,
     in vain,
    to drop a hint that says
    "hey, think again!"
    And I mentally stutter
    over her name when I think it.
    If I look really close,
    does that glint
    taking homage in her eyes,
    mean that she's falling too?

    Poem Comments

    (3)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    angelchaser commented on Falling Flat

    12-23-2010

    You my dear, are a true poet. I can't think of anyone so young who's poetry I admire as much:). This is just wonderful, so full of feeling.
    Reply to Comment

    brokenhearted11

    12/24/2010

    *blushes* thanks! haha i love getting comments form you, it makes me feel like my poetry is good xD

    papapaczki commented on Falling Flat

    12-23-2010

    I didn't see this going going in too many directions to be good personally. I thin you have a fine base here. I agree with Daniel in the fact that you have less words with good expression and story here.
    Reply to Comment

    brokenhearted11

    12/23/2010

    thanks, i see what you guys mean now. its a story in just a few lines.

    bubba commented on Falling Flat

    12-21-2010

    Wow broken, there is alot of actions going on in such few words the words you chose to use speak highly the command you to keep reading they express so much action and thought process yet you hardly said anything KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS~!
    Reply to Comment

    brokenhearted11

    12/21/2010

    thanks! thats what i was thinking when i read it. like.... it says a lot, yet its short, and it SOUNDS even shorter when i read it.

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    brokenhearted11’s Poems (88)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    title coming soon... or not I HAVE NO TITLE sorry oh wait nobody's reading this 1 08/23/2012
    Rachel's Sonnet 1 05/14/2012
    Daddy's Liquor (The Trigger Poem) 2 09/17/2011
    Now 1 09/01/2011
    Emma the Flautist 1 08/01/2011
    Ana Thoughts 0 08/01/2011
    Peristalsis 0 08/01/2011
    Late At Night... 0 07/07/2011
    The Calm Before the Storm 3 06/21/2011
    The _____, the Whole _____, and Nothing But the _____ 0 04/12/2011
    Estival Grins 2 04/12/2011
    On The Way 0 04/08/2011
    Sympathetic 0 04/08/2011
    Just Remember 1 04/08/2011
    Track Star 1 03/30/2011
    OW! 2 03/09/2011
    Pinball Screams 2 03/09/2011
    Something About Fragility 2 03/09/2011
    Slamming Doors and Sleepless Nights 4 03/02/2011
    This Side of Heartbreak 1 02/18/2011
    Black Lace Ribbon 2 02/15/2011
    I Need a Can of Paint 3 02/14/2011
    14 Stories Up 2 02/03/2011
    Last Summer 3 02/01/2011
    Sardonic Words 4 01/21/2011
    Cold Tile 4 01/18/2011
    Blackberry Fingers 4 01/13/2011
    Trick of the Lights... 4 01/11/2011
    Dancing Mind 5 01/08/2011
    January Air 8 01/06/2011
    Sunday Morning 4 01/03/2011
    Chase Me 8 12/29/2010
    Almost Suicide 4 12/24/2010
    Falling Flat 3 12/21/2010
    Float 7 12/12/2010
    Collapse 4 12/07/2010
    Too Old to be Young, Too Young to be Old 3 12/07/2010
    The Blare of the Band 1 11/22/2010
    A Dream that Passed 1 11/22/2010
    Hope to Hope 2 11/02/2010
    Knife 1 10/26/2010
    Be Okay 1 10/26/2010
    2 Missed Texts 2 10/26/2010
    Wasn't Dreaming 1 10/26/2010
    Screw Normal 1 10/26/2010
    Lacking Mind 1 10/20/2010
    Too Much to Bear Alone 1 10/20/2010
    Happy... Again. 1 10/20/2010
    The Back of Your Mind 1 10/20/2010
    Let the Water Take Me 5 08/10/2010
    Do You Ever... 3 08/10/2010
    Your Kiss 3 08/10/2010
    Love 5 08/08/2010
    Put It Down Child 9 08/08/2010
    Causing Me Harm 5 08/06/2010
    I Miss You 7 07/21/2010
    To Be a Kid 7 07/10/2010
    I Must 12 07/08/2010
    Makai 10 07/06/2010
    You Try 2 06/27/2010
    She 5 06/27/2010
    My Own Person 2 06/27/2010
    Fear + Anger = Power 3 06/27/2010
    "A Cycle" OR "Cut" 3 06/18/2010
    Meow 1 06/15/2010
    Goodbye 2 06/14/2010
    He is Fire 2 06/14/2010
    A Whisper in the Night 2 06/13/2010
    I Try 2 06/13/2010
    Clichés and Stereotypes 6 06/09/2010
    Not Him 1 06/09/2010
    Truth 2 06/09/2010
    Time 1 06/09/2010
    SNAP or EVERY DAY 0 06/09/2010
    Gone 0 06/09/2010
    Pretending 1 06/09/2010
    All the Help You can Get 1 06/09/2010
    I Loved You 2 06/01/2010
    Burdens 1 05/30/2010
    Fear 2 05/27/2010
    I Know Not 1 05/27/2010
    Never Ever 1 05/27/2010
    Understanding 1 05/27/2010
    Art 1 05/27/2010
    The Ocean is Part of the Healing 1 05/26/2010
    My Heart 1 03/17/2010
    I Know That Heart 2 03/17/2010
    "His Fault" 2 03/11/2010
    Top of Page