Almost Suicide

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Life
  • ,
  • Death

    Poem Commentary

    this was a few months back..

    Almost Suicide

    I'll remember the way
    that gun sat in my hands,
    heavy and cold,
    unlike anything
    my naive little mind
    had ever been familiar with,
    with plenty of knobs and buttons and
    triggers,
    for the rest of my being.
    My young life
    in the grip of two trembling hands.
    Heart, steadily making its way
    to my mouth,
    and blood rushing in my ears.
    Bile rising in my throat.
    I'm going to do it.
    I'm- I'm going to throw up.
    I'm going to squeeze that
    knob, button, trigger.
    I'm..
    Going to go lay down.
    Slip the pistol back in
    my dads bedside table drawer.
    Breathe. Just breathe.
    Calm down, steady that inconsistent
    heartbeat.
    Rid my aching mouth of the taste
    of that almost suicide.
    Text Rachel back,
    the gun is put away,
    I'm okay. 

    Poem Comments

    (4)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    optimistic commented on Almost Suicide

    12-25-2010

    I'm glad the words flow better than the action of your well being. Very excellent write.

    brokenhearted11

    12/25/2010

    thank you, my mental well being is a bit more stable, so to say.

    amithissecret commented on Almost Suicide

    12-25-2010

    this is a good poem the self expression is beautifully written all in all keep writing your really good

    angelchaser commented on Almost Suicide

    12-24-2010

    This is very good, broken. Very well written, you really put your reader in your shoes.

    brokenhearted11

    12/24/2010

    thanks, 'preciate it :) i found it in an older notebook of mine, it was written after the incident, so it was pretty vivid in my head.

    bubba commented on Almost Suicide

    12-24-2010

    hmm now this one makes me think about what too say, First of all i like it the flow of actions is wonderful, the fact i can see vividly the trembling hands the pistol moving side to side up and down with the tremble of the hands i can see the emotions on the face without seeing the face, i can see the snap back to reality at the end where the gun is put up and the fact that ya just go lay down and grab the phone instead very wonderful write keep em coming kudos

    brokenhearted11

    12/24/2010

    thanks dude. thats exactly how i tried to put it, with the actions and whatnot, and the realitry check, emerging from my own little world. and trust me, i will keep them coming :)

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    brokenhearted11’s Poems (88)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    title coming soon... or not I HAVE NO TITLE sorry oh wait nobody's reading this 1
    Rachel's Sonnet 1
    Daddy's Liquor (The Trigger Poem) 2
    Now 1
    Emma the Flautist 1
    Ana Thoughts 0
    Peristalsis 0
    Late At Night... 0
    The Calm Before the Storm 3
    The _____, the Whole _____, and Nothing But the _____ 0
    Estival Grins 2
    On The Way 0
    Sympathetic 0
    Just Remember 1
    Track Star 1
    OW! 2
    Pinball Screams 2
    Something About Fragility 2
    Slamming Doors and Sleepless Nights 4
    This Side of Heartbreak 1
    Black Lace Ribbon 2
    I Need a Can of Paint 3
    14 Stories Up 2
    Last Summer 3
    Sardonic Words 4
    Cold Tile 4
    Blackberry Fingers 4
    Trick of the Lights... 4
    Dancing Mind 5
    January Air 8
    Sunday Morning 4
    Chase Me 8
    Almost Suicide 4
    Falling Flat 3
    Float 7
    Collapse 4
    Too Old to be Young, Too Young to be Old 3
    The Blare of the Band 1
    A Dream that Passed 1
    Hope to Hope 2
    Knife 1
    Be Okay 1
    2 Missed Texts 2
    Wasn't Dreaming 1
    Screw Normal 1
    Lacking Mind 1
    Too Much to Bear Alone 1
    Happy... Again. 1
    The Back of Your Mind 1
    Let the Water Take Me 5
    Do You Ever... 3
    Your Kiss 3
    Love 5
    Put It Down Child 9
    Causing Me Harm 5
    I Miss You 7
    To Be a Kid 7
    I Must 12
    Makai 10
    You Try 2
    She 5
    My Own Person 2
    Fear + Anger = Power 3
    "A Cycle" OR "Cut" 3
    Meow 1
    Goodbye 2
    He is Fire 2
    A Whisper in the Night 2
    I Try 2
    Clichés and Stereotypes 6
    Not Him 1
    Truth 2
    Time 1
    SNAP or EVERY DAY 0
    Gone 0
    Pretending 1
    All the Help You can Get 1
    I Loved You 2
    Burdens 1
    Fear 2
    I Know Not 1
    Never Ever 1
    Understanding 1
    Art 1
    The Ocean is Part of the Healing 1
    My Heart 1
    I Know That Heart 2
    "His Fault" 2