that dream where I died

well...
i tell him to cut to the chase
he says 'you cant win this race'
i say watch me try
he knows i mean watch me die
i guess i just didnt understand
i couldnt make it
i couldnt take it
he knew all along
but i just had to go on
i never listened
i never undertstood
until i was gone for good
he welcomes me at the gates
i cry
he comforts me
says i dont have to die
its to late for me i say
just let me go for one last good by
just then his face flickers away
i open my earthly eyes
i blink at the light shining in my face
i look up at that tiled celling
look over to my left
my family hovers beside my bed
in the place no one wants to go
the hospital
i can see it in their eyes
they are already prepared to take me to the mourge.
they understand
its to late
i squeeze my mothers hand
tell them its ok
its better this way
they inhale sharply
i inhale slowly
use my last breath
'dont blame God for this belive me,
no matter how wrong this feels, he knows whats right'
then i am out
i just had to tell them
that last breath is used
my earthly eyes stay open but they are without sight
my hearts to guide me now
im back at the gates
this time they open
and i am welcomed like they have been expecting me
i peek over the edge of this heavenly home
see the rain from above
see the drops fall
this rain is from me
im crying
i watch that black coffin lifted from that car
i feel that tug on my heart
if i had only known the moments were so few
i would have made them valuble
but now i watch a huddle of black umbrellas
march towards the deep deep grave
i feel as if i dont belong in this scene
i dont belong to that family
those friends anymore
i look away
half of me wants to know who cried
the other half says you already died
so why do i care
about the solum scene
the scene that wasnt ment for me
that deep deep grave dosnt seem to be mine
how can the me i knew for so long
be so
deep
deep
yet fly
being in the deep
being up here
it dosnt seem to connect
like that person who looks back at me in the mirror