Inside

I don't know if I could hide my anger within
Trying to be good and not commit any sins
Holding on to a life that I chose for myself
Too busy caring about everyone else
My prayers are filled with other people's names
Yet in my heart I know they don't do the same
A God fearing woman with way too much pride
Nobody has ever seen the evil me inside
I push back the anger for as long as I can
And write my poems with my shaking hands
How many personalities I have, I don't know
But I'll never return to who I was long ago
I travel through time with my distant memories
Trying to forget what the world has done to me
Turned me into a person with a cold lifeless heart
Left all alone, trying to see in the dark
My dark side is hidden by a bunch of fake smiles
Wishing the pain would go away for a while
Sometimes I feel so alone in this world
I am stranded on an island, the loneliest girl
Noone can hear me no matter how loud I scream
And I close my eyes wishing this was only a dream
But this is my life and I feel like I'm cursed
Its all my fault, I deserve the worst of the worst
The one person in the world that knows my heart
Is a million miles away, we're so far apart
I wish I could hear him say it's okay
And that I will be happy again one day
But good things are not in the cards for me
I just sit by myself and keep trying to breathe
For him I try harder to hold it inside
Fighting so hard to just stay alive
Losing my sanity more and more every day
Finding it harder to keep the demons away
One of these days I know that I'll break
And show the whole world all the pain that I take
I'll unleash the evil that lingers in wait
And let them all see the logic in my hate
Nobody knows how hard it truly is
To hold in your pain and sorrow like this
I can't hide my feelings, so for now I just write
About all the pain I have in my life
And deep down inside I wish I could heal
So I don't have to let my anger reveal
But more than just anger, I feel so hurt
Like my soul has been kicked down lower than dirt
My words are just scribble, they don't mean a thing
It's not like anyone cares about what I'm feeling
So I'll be by myself and dwell in the past
And wish that my nightmares would go away fast
Nobody knows the tears my eyes have cried
So I'll just keep holding it deep inside