SAD

At times I feel like a star, confident & proud. 
I fly high above the the white fluffy clouds,
then reality slaps me silly & I fall all the way down
hitting face first in the mud in the ground. 
I realize how foolish I've been struggling 
nothing can help to keep me motivated.

Dreaming

hoping

smiling

never again!

I will never shine again like a star!
why do I keep trying to fool myself?
Everything I do is worthless 
nothing will change that ever! 
I am so sad and angry!
devastated and defeated I cry...

Tears roll down my cheek
like raindrops on my window pane.
I close my eyes to try to sleep,
rolling in bed I become frustrated.
I sit up and find him looking straight at me.
He caresses my face and says," I love you."

I move away, rolling my eyes
"its all a lie!", I say.
How can he love me?
Is he blind not to see what I see?
I can't love that ugly woman 
looking back at me in the mirror...

I hate myself can't ever love me!
I am not that girl back then smiling
This bitter woman has taken her place
I am not young, nor pretty and of course not sexy
everyday I live in pain and struggle to keep holding on
its gotten tiresome and worthless to keep trying...
 
I am so sad
I want to hide
won't stop crying

How can I face the world
if I can't even face myself?
How can I love myself
if I dislike how I look?
How to believe I am beautiful
if I am scared to look in the mirror?