Flies

6 Comments

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    Poem Commentary

    Hopeohlarik and deepeclipse suggested I write about the fly tht was flying around my head and giving me a headache and so here it is! lol

    Flies

     Buzzing around and around
    In circles you go
    Taking your time
    Looking for places to go

    Flailing around
    Swatting you away
    Where's some fly paper when I need it

    Can't stop buzzing
    Buzzing buzzing buzzing
    Buzzing until you're ready to land

    Headache starting
    So bad
    My head is throbbing

    The fly tries to go through the screen
    Over and over
    Until it lands on the window frame

    SMACK
    The fly falls
    My sister's heaving breath
    Swatter in hand

    The fly is dead

    Poem Comments

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    FranzJ commented on Flies

    09-12-2010

    we all have been there at some point - thanks for writing about it
    Reply to Comment

    himekachan111

    09/14/2010

    thanks for reading it :)

    cousinsoren commented on Flies

    09-12-2010

    I love the dynamics, the onomatopoeias- buzz, smack, swat, The imagery is concrete and experiential. The short snappy lines succeed in suggesting the movement of the fly. The mood of annoyance is well sustained by perfect diction. This is an exquisitively crafted poem. Right on, Kid! Keep on writing! My rating for movement and overall perfection is 10x10"
    Reply to Comment

    himekachan111

    09/14/2010

    thanks :)

    PoetWithCancer commented on Flies

    09-10-2010

    This poem is good on several levels. I'm so tired right now, young lady, I'm sorry I can't give this poem its due justice right now. If I do, I won't have any energy left for the Chat room. But just on the surface, the imagery is bright and clear. Below the surface, I can at least a half a dozen metaphorical and allegorical type meanings. This poem is both pleasing, well crafted with a touch of music, and also a bit disturbing. Great work, sister poet. --Michael
    Reply to Comment

    himekachan111

    09/10/2010

    ty

    HopeOhlarik commented on Flies

    09-08-2010

    Lol see! i said you'd get a good poem out of it. good job!
    Reply to Comment

    himekachan111

    09/08/2010

    lol ty

    DeepEclipse commented on Flies

    09-08-2010

    Hahahah they usually don't live long anyway. Annoyance conquered :)
    Reply to Comment

    himekachan111

    09/08/2010

    yep :)

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

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