The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

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  • Dark Poetry
    • TheAngelOfDeath
    • Posted a new poem first time is a few years check it out its a draft as of right now ill fix the spelling and stuff when I have time

    Poem Commentary

    This Poem was constructed by A very close friend and poet and myself
    I very much enjoyed righting this poem with him and i am looking forward to righting more with him in the future.

    The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

    The Earth's Rebirth Part 2
    (Death Becomes You)

    If you follow the path of a monster that's what you'll become
    The wrong side of a one-sided battle, your soul is all but gone!
    I walk the path of glory, Death will ride my sin!
    You think you have the answer! This is how I live!

    But confused you are on your path to death
    Your heart beat sharpens, a sudden shortness of breath
    Spots flash in your eyes like a swarm of flying insects
    Having visions of a tunnel fire, your soul searching, whats next

    I plow down the hate in front
    I loathe the hate behind
    I cannot see one step ahead my eyes are nearly blind
    My soul is torn apart by the matrix that is called my fear!
    I cannot help my tattered fate! This is how I live!

    How you or I live which in reality is how we both die
    Validates the predetermined horror, feeding the monsters high
    Like there is no tomorrow! Surging forward with revenge and malice minds
    Run blindly in darkness with HUNGER, so surprising to find ?

    But as the pain grows stronger
    My fragile heart grows still
    Beat...Beat......Beat............Beat........................Beat_________
    In the end I chose my wretched path..
    ..This is how I Lived..

    As the warmth of your body slowly starts to dissipate
    Your life is a flashing slide show, swallowing your fate
    Chills of rigor mortis creep closer as your functions reduce to goo
    You found what you were born for: Death becomes you

    AngelOfDeath & FiloRozzell
    2009 (All Rights Reserved)

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    AbysmalGoddess commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

    06-14-2009

    Brilliant work! Phenomenal imagery in this as well. Your words creep alongside of the meaning of death...'chills of rigor mortis creep closer as your functions reduce to goo' nice line.
    Reply to Comment

    RHPeat commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

    06-12-2009

    The dichotomy in the first part of the poem works well and plays off of each other well. The ending and turning are a whole lot weaker because of the loss of the dichotomy. Then there is the problem of the different voices as well. They need to be separated in some way, quotes or with breaks in the poem. So the reader know when he is stepping into a shift in the pattern of the poem. Even bold and italic might suggest that shift. The images in the second stanza are the best in the poem except for the end of the last line. It would be great if even in one stanza the images related in some way to one another. Like when the word (plow) is used, if the reader had (rows or fields) the image would become stronger. or with the battle or the monster, what kind of battle? A battle of imagination or swords. Vulnerability verses what? A passion for death: define it better, be specific. And the closure (goo?) how comical. Even Jobe's Dung-heap is better and more real in it's presentation.
    Reply to Comment

    Kelstorm commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

    06-12-2009

    You've given us a good viewpoint of man's need for rebirth over and over again. Instead of learning from their experience, they race to death. This is where the majority of the human race stands. What they don't see is life and freedom. Maybe one of these days they will.
    Reply to Comment

    beautifuldeath commented on The Earth's Rebirth Part 2

    06-11-2009

    ah yes, 'death does become us all' I loved this. it was well written and the imagery was spectacular. 10 from me
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

    Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

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