I'M NOT HERE (Dedicated to bluepetal, challenge poem)
Yeah you think you see me
But you don't, I'm not here.
I have eyes that refuse to see
It's life, not death I fear.
I don't remember anything
Until I was thirteen
Rope around neck, suffocating
All I might have been.
I am nothing, nonexistent
Which is good enough for me.
A whisper in the far off distant
I'm here yet have no wish to be.
If there is a place beyond
This grimy scum called earth
My spirit has been pawned
My salvation is rebirth.
You have nothing that I need
Please don't try to rescue
I'll just cut you till I bleed
Don't expect a breakthrough.
I am gay and I'm bi;
A mere receptacle for lust.
No aspirations left have I
I can't feel and I don't trust.
Love is a four letter word
That invokes no emotion
If I see another's worth
It's just going through the motions.
I'm here until I die
I don't even see the point
In giving life a try
As I roll another joint.
One hundred thirty pounds
Is the stipend I receive.
I get it on the grounds
I shouldn't have been conceived.
I stand upon my cliff
Smoking fags, taking notes.
If you hear a cough, a sniff
It's a huff turned to a choke.
I know you want to save
But trust me when I say
I am ready for the grave
Can't envision any other way.
As I stomp out my last cig
I won't look over my shoulder
I'm off to my last gig;
Death could not be colder.
Farewell to those who tried
Thanks to those who didn't
When I'm gone, don't cry
I was always just a figment.
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