Dear Heavenly Father....

Dear heavenly Father,
Do you hear my prayers?? 
Are you on vacation stranded up stairs??
I know i dont deserve your Love,
I often dont feel it near enuf... 
i hope i dont jinx myself into more of a nightmare,
But i swear there is no one who truly cares???
I dont mean to question your judgement and plans,
But i feel as if i am married to satan
And although i am the victim,
I am treated like the criminal like the demons AM, 
I get no respect or appreciation 
And no one understands my situation...
Lord what am i to do??
Where are you??
Am i bound to hell and torture forever??
Its hard for me to forgive others?? 
But Lord you know why & i have no need to lie?? 
Will you forgive me when i die?? 
There is no hope, no help, no one to talk to but you,
But i dont think im worthy of your love or your crew??
I know you put Angels in my life,
Some are sweet like sugar and others cut like a knife...
Will i always endure harship and strife???
Or will you allow me to have a family and be a wife?? 
Lord i am chained to satan & i am lonely, 
Will you please rescue me and comfort me??? 
I am locked in hell with only words of torture to tell, 
I feel no encouragement or way out of this deep dark well,
its slippery in here & you are my only help i know
Even though its hard for.me to forgive & let the past go, 
It follows me around like a plague of poisoness bugs,
Aint no escaping this hell,
its addictive like alcohol & drugs,
Only time will tell as my brain swells... 
I am not free and I have no choices to choose,
No matter which way i go, i ALWAYS LOSE....
Lord i may not have nothing at all
And I am chained to this wall only to you i call,
But it seems satan intervines my messages to you
And i feel as if i am always going to be his cooked goose..
But Lord you Gave me the best gift of all,
A child to love so i wont feel so raw,
So why Lord am i still Satans mistress,
Why am i everything but blessed??? 
Dont we deserve a home on earth too?? 
Why am i always used and abused, battered & bruised??
Lord do you have room for me up there??
Or am i just a mistake taking up precious air??
I admit im worthless and a failure! 
I know im a sinner and my life is all but a blurry curse,
But is there any hope for me here on earth???
Lord i need your guidance,
cuz well you know im an IDIOT
So i need extra assistance.. 
Only you can help me if ya wanna, 
i beg and plead cuz satan is a piranha, 
And i have been his breakfast, lunch & dinner for 36 yrs
Its time I break the chains & end this torture,
He needs to be the victim at his own game
He needs to feel his own flames & hang,
Lord will you give me the strength & wisdom i need
To hang satan & torture him & watch him bleed???
He deserves more then he dishes out to us Christians,
He needs punished for.making us commit sins,
Lord I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP HERE,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME RELEIVE MY FEARS..
whatever i need to do Lord to earn your trust again,
I will bend over backwards for you to be my friend,
To help me control my life & get my daughter to listen,
And hopefully you have plans
For me to be with a wonderful loving man...
i am old and extremely cold Lord Jesus My Savior,
I need you more then ever....