“Whoooeeeeiiiii”, he yells,

As he throws it up into neutral

And revs his quaking engine

“Lightnin', thet was fuuunnn!!

Why, I ain't had thet much fun

Since the last time we went cow tippin'!!”

I flash him a grill full of smile,

flip him a mischievous wink,

and ask, “Think they'll know?”

“Naw”, he snorts, “them dumb critters,

they won't never know it was us thet hit em!

Cows is dumb as rocks, Lighnin'!”

'Bout that time I saw Sally

Come sliding out from behind

The Wagon Wheel Motel

I could see the steam from her radiator

As she came screeching to a halt...

Right between me and 'Ole Mater

“Lightning McQueen.... Mater!!! LIGHTNING!

What do you think you have been doing???!!!

Haven't you pestered those poor cows enough?”

Now, anybody with half an engine block

Could see she was clearly madder than

An Ice Cream truck in the SeeHari Desert

Why, she was so mad her headlights were red!

“Those poor little farm animals!!”, she said

“What have they ever done to you?”

Now, I'm just a semi retired race car,

And I know a thing or two about feemales...

But right about then, I sure wished I knew a lot more!

“We, ummm, we...didn't mean...any harm, Sally”

That's Mater putting his two cylinders in it...

“Honest, we didn't even tip 'em all!!”

Well, now. I've been sitting over here in idle

Hoping that Sally's got her a/c running on high

But that just ain't my kind of luck

She's so mad now, her intake is cherry red

And it looks like she's about to blow a head gasket

Right about now, I wish I was anywhere but here!

She looks at me, with those green eyes of hers

And my carburettor starts to spit and sputter,

and I feel my tires begin to deflate...

How can this woman have so much control

Over my engine? Even my chassis is trembling.

I start to mumble something... but think better of it.

“Now you and Mater go apologize to those cows,

and don't you come back here until you do!”, she says.

I just drop it into gear and take off. No use arguing with her!

Well, the upshot of this little story is this:

Me and 'Ole Mater spent the night in the barn,

trying to smooth things over with them old cows.

Next morning, when I awoke to the aromatic barnyard smells,

'Ole Mater was still snuggled up to one of them old heifers...

Seems like he had a fondness for critters after all.

Sally was waiting on me just outside the barn door

And she looked like a brand spanking new paint job...

The moral? Sleeping in the barn ain't always a bad thing...

Later, Mater!

Marcus Lewis

7/02/2009

Written in response to UPA Challenge/ Cartoon Character.