I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

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    Poem Commentary

    I thought this would be fun, come on people, you are all very talented so show me what you got.

    I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    practice what you preach
    and let others follow lead
    for some are born to teach
    and others born to bleed

    and if those born to bleed
    are broken once too many times
    their lives becomes their prisons
    and their own heart betrays their crimes

    and if they bleed an ocean
    will their blood make pure their sin
    to set providence in motion
    only sweet death has ever been

    as laughing turns to tears
    and bone turns back to dust
    dead silence reappears
    as if silence was ever just

    the noblest of the king's men
    carry sword like painter's brush
    and forges only onward when
    the dawn is seen to blush

    while maidens with their lusty locks
    hide guns and sharpened wits...
    ..........................................
    ..........................................

    Poem Comments

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    freemansvoice commented on I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    07-23-2012

    life beats them with it's hands of times and their looks not worth one bit.
    Reply to Comment

    Ozzy77 commented on I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    09-23-2011

    brokers alter their books and stocks with deceit that quite oddly fits innocents, if they exist to resist a powerful system corrupt toil day and night simply to persist as a world around them erupt they know no justice, learn crude law postmarked from an agenda on high of visions, dreams, angels they saw command man to worship lord of the sky further severing dualist ideal spread a mask across an entire race deceiving, forcing what is real a veil across each believers' face
    Reply to Comment

    guardianangel76 commented on I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    09-14-2011

    but in their their minds they figure out how to sharpen with their fists.. for the maiden's only take what they can so long before they find a boiling point to which everyone holds and a lady they are no more as they're walking towards the door...then simply turn and say you hit the road your fucking bitch and never come back my way you robbed me of my innocence and robbed me of my joy you threw me around the house like a condemed and forsaken toy you had your fill on the many women of your choice right now i dare not listen to that little whiney voice of yours you do not deserve these3e tears..nor the awaken dreams at three you know what i am about you know not even me
    Reply to Comment

    SerenityWintirs

    09/14/2011

    that's amazing...I'm so happy. I love your take on it, it really brings the piece full circle. Your words add rage and courage to the story. The very last lines are my favorite. It ends the poem perfectly! Thanks for helping me finish it :)

    Solaris commented on I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    09-13-2011

    Knights on perilous walks show their courage and grits. btw not sure if i spelled perilous right
    Reply to Comment

    SerenityWintirs

    09/14/2011

    Ha, you rock! Thank you so much for helping out. The poem is complete, yay!

    Solaris

    09/14/2011

    thanks darlin and your welcome

    crhymethinc commented on I CHALLENGE YOU: To Finish This Poem

    09-07-2011

    I like this. Which was perhaps not what you want. The allusion of swords to painter's brush, but especially the last two lines really make this poem shine.
    Reply to Comment

    SerenityWintirs

    09/10/2011

    Thank you. Those are my favorite parts too. In fact, I liked them so much I was afraid to write more in case I ruined it. Lol

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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