RE: Limericks

lost in a zone of confusion
she developed an illusion
appearing to take flight
she slipped out of sight
fate will decide the conclusion

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While flying around in confusion
Wrapped up in your own private illusion
Beware! A bump on the noggin
By a wayward toboggan
Could cause a nasty contusion

RE: Limericks

^ I like

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There once lived a girl named Illusion,
who was no longer a virgin.
She learned to write well
naughty words, what the hell,
she fell under a spell of delusion.

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Well, I might as well join the fun, huh?

LIMERICK_1

On a fishing boat we called The Gator,
I hated my job--the dumb waiter--
So a new job I took,
Baiting rich folks' fish hooks,
And they say I'm a real Master Baiter!

RE: Limericks

there once was a lady poet .. briefly, she stopped near here
writing highly erotic poetry .. illusion sipped wine .. a few cold beers
under yonder oak tree .. she took a peaceful nap in a bed of clover
badbadbear discovered a broken limb had fallen .. from above her
bear woke her .. she spoke .. saying illusion .. delusion .. wiping her tears

RE: Limericks

A cow poke from the yards of Forth Worth
Was rotund from the day of his birth
So he could never quite force
His frame up on his horse
All due to his improvident girth.

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There was a young beauty from Kent.
Suitors followed wherever she went.
She put out and more,
Til she became so sore,
She found it was a youth misspent.

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A Viking from the far lands of ice
discovered a new disarming device
with his charm not an axe
did he make his attacks
winning hearts will just have to suffice!

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A poetess named SavVySam
Could have been the Queen of Siam
Her words are so witty
They make mine look shitty
In awe of her talent, I am

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OK... Here is my contribution. I wrote this for my son, Lucas, when he was a wee lad...

There once was a young boy named Lucas,
Who's nose was all crusted with mucas.
He said, "I suppose
If I pick at my nose
It will keep me from picking my tuchus!"

RE: Limericks

He was seen down by Galilee.
Where he proceeded to walk on the sea.
By turning fishes to bread,
He sure turned some heads,
And slayed 'em with his witty repartee.

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A fish that looked a bit thin-ish
Bit down on a lure bright and tin-ish
Just before twas too late
He spat out the bait
Like all other meals he’d not finish.

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A sad paraplegic who stuttered
Said twice every word that she uttered
So it’s a forgone conclusion
That in the confusion
Each slice slice of toast toast got twice buttered!

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A new jester once rattled the court
By a chauvenistically ribald retort
But once the queen was offended
His brief tenure soon ended,
‘Cause the king’s laughter was trumped by her snort.

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to avoid finishing an ongoing poem
through the forum I did roam
laughed at some limericks
flushed a fish down the syptic
logged off for the day and left home

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A Prof that once hailed from Texas
introduced a new forum to vex us
We've laughed at these Limericks
Puns, jokes, and word tricks
Now we have a sore solar plexus!

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Well........I guess I will give it a shot....

There came a rough dude from out west
Wearing a tailor-made leather vest
Stood tall in the street
Solid on both feet
Brought down by a slug in his chest.

........................gogant

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That will do it every time.

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I knew a sentimental old bloke
that saved love letters...this is no joke!
but suddenly one day
he watched them all burn away
and cried while reading the smoke!

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There was a cool poet named Blue Heron
Who damn sure was no red Herring
He smoked words all day
Till he was heard to say
I’m as high flying as Red Baron

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Let's revisit some British history shall we? The Americans never got taught that in school but the Canadians did. Fact was we never had enough of our own to recount. Anywayz here's my limerick;

The Queen went one day to the dairy
She was told it was unnecessary
"But 'twas hot in the tower
And my cream has turned sour"
She said as she boarded a ferry.

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On the day of Balaam’s trespass
He was halted, while riding his ass
As he beat his poor beast,
The ass pled, “Patience, at least!”
“Can’t YOU see that the angel won’t let me pass?”

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In Boot Hill rests Lester Moore
Shot four times with a .44
He couldn’t be saved
So his headstone’s engraved
With these words: ‘No Les, No more’

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RE: Limericks

there was once a hick from the sticks
he was told to go get some kicks
he set out on a rare trip
asked some city folks for a tip
directions he needed to route 66

Last edited by StandingBear 02-04-2010 at 03:54:35 PM