still birth 1-25-1999

time on this earth is all but a dream
more time then not we are forced to get away and scream
the joys of our livng are more often then not
a ninth month wait for a baby thats exciting and hot

the pressure of living and waiting for her to arrive
makes me feel so impatient but im forced to survive
i feel her inside like the beating of my heart
and when she is born i will love her right from the start

i dont know how but my feelings have changed
those are te memories for this is what happened
and from it my entire life was rearanged
topsy tervey and inside out

the life i once lived so rich and full
was now so empty yet enraged without a doubt
my love for you shelby will always be true
although you could not be born on this earth

i will love no one else more then you
my life now meant nothing and i wanted to die
i could not stop crying and every one knew why
yet no one could support me nor would i let them try

i felt so alone so isolated and left out that i had to shout
my heart had been ripped away and i wanted to die without a doubt
in the heat of the night i saw my babies face
the horror that i saw no one could erase

she lay so still so calm and asleep
when i held her against me and asked, she made no peep
my life was now shattered and confused
i felt as if i had been battered and abused

after those years of torment had tried to fade away
i remember about shelby just like it was today
from that day forth my life had to stop
a slit of my wrist and a battle of pills

into my mouth i did pop
that did not work and life continued on
even after all those years i still feel she is not gone
she is still inside waiting to be born

i can still feel her kick when i eat spicy food or corn
the truth is not yet what im ready to see
because my baby girl is still inside me
my friends try to tell me life's not the same

shelby is gone so crying is no shame
i dont care what they think i know its not true
no one else knows the pain ive gone through