Let the darkness swallow me

I feel like a black hole
has replaced my heart
I cant be happy
I cant love
I cant think
I cant feel.
I feel...
soulless.
Like nothing is there
But this horrible shell
of what seems like the Devil.
I have hurt so many people
including my best friend.
I would kill myself
but that would be selfish.
All I want to do right now
is be gone
in my own little world
and escape
from what is called
my life.
But i cant
or I wont
and I want
to just leave
and be by myself for a while
but people wont let me.
Sometimes I just wanna
sit in my bed
curled up into a ball
and let the nothing
swallow me whole.
Let it embrace me
and take out whatever warmth I have left
If it took the happiness from me
would I be the person I am right now?
I feel no happiness inside me
So is it there?
Is there something for the darkness to swallow?
I dont know
and I want to ask
but does anybody know?!