Change Me
My therapist tells me that i'm mature.
But yet so childish.
Although I said a therapist would work.
It hasn't.
I just understand things more.
Sometimes I'll sit in the dark and cry.
Not having the answer to "Why?".
All I know is that i'm afraid of the dark..
Sometimes I'll sit in the closet.
So no one will find me.
Eventually they willl.
Sometimes i'll sleep on the floor.
Because it's cold.
And my body is numb.
Sometimes I wish she would read this..
But I know she won't..
I tell her I want to be a writer.
She laughs and walks off.
I tell her i'm serious.
She says "Oh, okay good."
She's never read my writing.
And when I try she tells me she doesn't have time.
My words never touched her.
Not even my suicide notes.
She ignores them.
She tells me i'm selfish, manipulative, rude and ungrateful.
Partially, it's true.
I want change for personal reasons.
For myself.
Maybe even a chance for her to like me.
Im so close to giving up...
Because there's no hope.
I know I have changed.
People tell me that.
I don't like this person i've become.
I really don't.
I can't do nothing right.
I'm not good at anything.
Why am I here?
Don't answer that.
I want to figure out the answer by myself.
But yet so childish.
Although I said a therapist would work.
It hasn't.
I just understand things more.
Sometimes I'll sit in the dark and cry.
Not having the answer to "Why?".
All I know is that i'm afraid of the dark..
Sometimes I'll sit in the closet.
So no one will find me.
Eventually they willl.
Sometimes i'll sleep on the floor.
Because it's cold.
And my body is numb.
Sometimes I wish she would read this..
But I know she won't..
I tell her I want to be a writer.
She laughs and walks off.
I tell her i'm serious.
She says "Oh, okay good."
She's never read my writing.
And when I try she tells me she doesn't have time.
My words never touched her.
Not even my suicide notes.
She ignores them.
She tells me i'm selfish, manipulative, rude and ungrateful.
Partially, it's true.
I want change for personal reasons.
For myself.
Maybe even a chance for her to like me.
Im so close to giving up...
Because there's no hope.
I know I have changed.
People tell me that.
I don't like this person i've become.
I really don't.
I can't do nothing right.
I'm not good at anything.
Why am I here?
Don't answer that.
I want to figure out the answer by myself.
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