slip

2 Comments

Tags:
  • Dreams Wakefulness Sleep

    Poem Commentary

    I"m going to bed now...really!!

    slip

     wake not

    much longer

    sleep 's tendrils like alien life forms

    gripping me, suction cups and slipping

    for the last two hours

    toothpick-propped eyelids

    drooping in between the picks

    dream fists curl 

    Got me some angry lonely dreams waitin'

    do i REALLY want to go there now? 

    what can dreams do, right? 

     

    Poem Comments

    (2)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    RHPeat commented on slip

    02-13-2011

    It sounds like the 3 lines in the closure are the opening to the poem and that curled dream fists are the real closure. Closure being what ties turning point and opening together to form a new concept. Just a thought there. I love "toothpick propped eyes drooling." A fantastically real concrete image that is painful to think about. A poet friend//RH Peat
    Reply to Comment

    VoiceMilkNHoney

    02/13/2011

    k, thanks you two. I love your perspectives, always.

    shallenemcgrath commented on slip

    02-13-2011

    okay, okay -OK... I think that it would be a more powerful poem if you led with the last three lines.
    Reply to Comment

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

    VoiceMilkNHoney’s Poems (26)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    taewS gninroM 1 03/26/2011
    If ever knot 2 03/15/2011
    DriftWould 1 03/15/2011
    garden grow 1 02/16/2011
    accept? 2 02/16/2011
    there not there 1 02/16/2011
    rhythm in and.... 3 02/16/2011
    0 02/16/2011
    diggery 0 02/16/2011
    walt-zuh 1 02/16/2011
    muffet and friends 1 02/16/2011
    Red Beans and Rice Day 4 02/14/2011
    VD 1 02/14/2011
    A Drowning Sleep 2 02/13/2011
    slip 2 02/12/2011
    Ouch 2 02/12/2011
    Avast! Wield and sow 5 02/07/2011
    swallow 2 02/02/2011
    use the phrase 1 02/02/2011
    wold cind 2 02/02/2011
    heart ...beat 1 02/02/2011
    years - silence - bars 1 02/02/2011
    poetry for lunch 1 02/02/2011
    inhale into me 2 02/02/2011
    Commit 1 02/02/2011
    ti me 1 02/02/2011
    Top of Page