If only you knew what lays just behind this grin
all the sorrow, the torment, the anguish within
Building up inside, it multiplies then dies
Choking on all the feelings caught prematurely within my throat
wish it had been slit, rather than just put on hold
I have no choice but to hide my feelings behind this smile
Dear god, what have I done?
IF you're real, aren't I your son?
Where is the mercy? Where is your love?
It's not within me, for sure. I'm done
Since my conception life's been a bitch
My mother was unstable, my father an abusive prick
And though school was my escape, the other children were sick
My wrists are so calloused and scarred they can no longer be slit
"How much worse can it get?" I once figured
Then the tendrils of depression began to bore in and slither
In Iraq I finally turned my weapon on myself in the shitter
But all I heard was a dry-fire click when I pulled the trigger
Then once again I had to face reality and all those lost lives
I was the medic, I dropped the ball, I HAD TO TELL THEIR WIVES
Chasing on those heels I found I'd lost MINE
No man should live after all the pills I imbibed, yet here I sit to write
Dear god, what have I become?
jesus christ, your cross was a blessing from above
WHERE'S MINE YOU MOTHER FUCKER?!
fuck this, fuck you, I'm done
All my relationships fail, like the ants marching on
One after the other, ALL OF THEM GONE!
And no matter the intentions, I always seem to be wrong
I will be one again when I share this song
There is no life left in me
This mindless hate for god consuming me
My mother and father berating me
I'm an atheist, I ALWAYS WILL BE!
But if one day I find god is real and at home
I'll confess my sins and pray until I croak
so i can go to heaven....
AND SLIT GOD'S FUCKING THROAT!!!!!!!!!
Dear god, I'm coming for you
I don't really care, yes it's true
I'M CALLING YOU OUT PUSSY! SHOW YOUR FACE!
And I'll choke you myself until the whole universe is blue
I'm tired all day, but can't sleep at night
And when no one's looking I scream at the sky
I fail at everything, even taking my own life
It's not a sign, it's cruelty in it's blackest form
... fuck
... you
... god
... YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!