This morning was dark, darker than
Any other escape of the moon.
I anticipated anxiously for the glorious rays
Of the first break of sunlight
But was abandoned here.
Why was I left here, here holding questions in my hand
Here holding self suicide in my mind
Here not knowing what I had done
These thoughts paced through my head in this
Surreal mist of time, too late to see the moon
And too soon to see the sun
As I looked hard for the edge of the cliff
That so many others dove from I felt the truth
Pulsing through my veins like poison
I would never jump not from fear or demise
But for courage and strength, odd how all those feelings
Can coincide to create a better me
This morality I’ve encased in silk is too strong
Even for temptation to govern my stride
Instead I blindly stand and wait
Wait for my reward, wait for my gift, wait for something
Anything whose purpose was intended for me
If such a thing were to exist
The treachery creeps through my soul
Telling me there is no gift for my sacrifice
There is no light for my darkness
Courage becomes fear when fear becomes
An envelope for all of my visceral love letters
I etched in wasted opportunity and misspent dreams
Still I see nothing but the mist in the air
The frost standing each hair on end
After time passes on and lives are destroyed
I head home to return my heart to the lavender box
Laced with gold.