Your words send a trickle down my body,
As you take my hand and tell me how much you regret hurting me.
And as I lay on your chest,
I think about how soothing the vibrations of your voice feel,
as they migrate through my soul.
While all the while your explaining to me…
That you wont ever let me go.
And I think I know how true it is….
Yet in my mind I’ll always doubt,
But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about wanting to be closer to you,
And wanting to taste the sweet of your mouth.
Knowing that I’m guilty,
Guilty….of cheating mentally,
On a guy….the only guy…
That would never in a million lives cause hurt to me.
My conscious spits curses at my hormones….
And the place right between my hips
As you gently stoke my cheek,
And my burning lips…. with your finger tip.
“I love you Holly”
Oh God no….
Those words that long ago made my heart sink,
I’m still vulnerable to those familiar emotions I know.
And while silence stings your heart, you wonder if I feel the same….
Knowing how my ego is….
You let go of all the games.
And instead of giving me the upper hand…instead of asking me if I love you too,
You say…..“Holly, the reason you can’t respond to that is because you know you do”
And I let out a silent sigh,
Knowing that all that you are suggesting is so fucking true,
And for it I can’t stand your guts.
I hate feeling this way.
And I hate that I love you,
And I hate that you make me so weak,
And I hate that your still stroking my lips…
And my cheeks.
And I hate that you kiss me,
And that I kiss you back.
And I hate that I’m allowing you to take control of my just like that.
And I hate that I cant help but kiss your neck.
And I hate that we couldn’t leave it at a peck.
And I hate that your taking off my shirt.
And I hate that your unzipping my skirt.
And I hate that this feeling feels so good.
And that It feels so got damn much better,
Then I ever imagined that it would.
And I know I’ll hate my self even more tomorrow,
Then I hate myself now.
For telling you that I cant.
After you’ve gone that extra mile.
And I hate how it feels…
As those words escape my tongue.
And I hate the feeling of knowing…..
That you will always be for me…
The only one.
-Holly