"Lucid"
In a daydream once,
I met the blue summer sun
Of a daydream hence.
In the meantime since,
I wait eon by eon
By a springtime fence.
"Lucid"
10 Comments
Poem Commentary
This is my first attempt at Haiku, and it's probably way off the mark. Any help on the form itself would be especially appreciated. Good day!In a daydream once,
I met the blue summer sun
Of a daydream hence.
In the meantime since,
I wait eon by eon
By a springtime fence.
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Poem Comments
(10)
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dancinghawk commented on "Lucid"
02-14-2011
- nice parallel construction for a day-dreamy share ... -dh
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02/14/2011
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02-14-2011
- love it. on rereading the title, it sucks you in. the soft rhyme make it roll long like the eye over pasture hills in this would be recurring "day"dream. I particularly like how you break our attention and long roll feeling with "eon by eon," punctuating us to feel the sense of trying to count thru what is an eternity in this timelessness. 10
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02/14/2011
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01-18-2011
- stardrift, You done good, I mean fabulous even. ty for these delightful haiku. ginga
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01/18/2011
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01-15-2011
- These lines radiate warm colors and calmness, nice. Be well k
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01/15/2011
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MindNumbing commented on "Lucid"
01-12-2011
- Fantastic haiku set, Stardrift... this just radiates with peacefulness :) Thanks for sharing!
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01/12/2011
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