Mr. Teacher

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  • Mr. Teacher

    Mr. Teacher

    Thinking about my life at hand...
    i got a grip of money and a master plan.
    walking down the road for a boy im trying to meet, ipod buggin from ears and im baggin to the beat. Its neat when your the only guy every one wants to meet. And at all the parties people want to know were i be, and thats also another reson i have to roll with my heat. Get out my car in the mall and im stacked to my feet... your styles are funny, to me see i get money. all of a sudden now you Got beaf? Come on man get that shit out of here and take a seet. i really dont have time for any jokes or your bull sheet, out of minutes like a clock that rolls over when you sleep. Thats why im not at home because im busy in these streets. So if you would please be so kind and leave a message after the beep. good gezz.. it seems i cant do right right now, know what i mean? All the time going back and forth mently and phsyicly. fighting and arguing with myself in a maze constently.. troubles and worries all the time its as there bickering, im stuck in court while the the judge is configuring. Losing my mind with thoughts of sanity.. ruling my mind its a trap, help get me free. im gonna try now so you please better let me be.. See you, like im gone till next year, pray for peace! Support our troops, be strong dont be afraid to shoot... Dont be afraid to sleep, Barrel high ass low but be light on your feet. thats me unclear in the fucking window cause the rain just call it sleet. UNtill next class students see ya' peace!

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    TBA commented on Mr. Teacher

    09-26-2009

    My friend, there are many talented poets herein and you can learn from them. Most of them are open to different styles and forms. They are artists and appreciate art. They are kind enough to read your work and offer opinions to help you. You never have to agree with any of them, but you should listen and consider them. Never be condescending or suggest that it is the reader’s ignorance or lack of attention alone that has led to misinterpretation. You, as the poet, have an obligation to make your thoughts vivid and clear. Some day you may aspire to the level of poetry from which one can draw meaning that is below the surface but you are not there yet and will never get there if you consistently fail to listen to those who have traveled this road before you. Well ,I have had my little rant. Please know that I think you have a great deal of talent. I think that your work shows much promise. I would never want you stop writing or sharing your work with the world. I hope to read more of your songs and poems here and watch your talent expand. I look forward to learning and corresponding with you in the days ahead. TBA
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    TBA commented on Mr. Teacher

    09-26-2009

    Hello my young friend, I like your work here. Admittedly there are some words that I have to extrapolate due to generational and cultural gaps. But that is to be expected and must be appreciated as language evolves. I did find your rhythm a little difficult to follow. Had you divided it in rhythmic lines for us it would have been easier. Remember, when you expect readers to “dig” for meaning you must give them a reason to search and make the search as easy as possible. There are areas in which I remain very “old school” and as such my opinion may be of no interest to you. However, lack of interest in my opinion has never prevented me from sharing it. Your lack of any attempt at correct spelling and capitalization does not make you appear “cool” (or whatever word is currently descriptive of someone who has got their act together) It makes you appear careless and indifferent to your art. In this age of spell and grammar checks being automatically provided for us such carelessness is an affront to the reader. If you do not respect your work why should they? Misspelling and grammatical license have their place in verbal and written communication. But you must understand the rules in order to break them effectively. I have read several of the comments that came before mine. I have also read your responses. Frankly I found your responses to be somewhat defensive. Let me quote you: “ It was on a deeper level than your train of thought” and “Reread it until you realize what message I’m trying to say through my words” REALLY? Please explain to me why it is the reader’s responsibility to do all the work so that you might be understood? I AM BREAKING HERE AS MY COMMENT HAS MORE THAT 2000 CHARACTERS. I WILL SEND THE REST UNDER IN A SECOND COMMENT
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    love2write commented on Mr. Teacher

    09-25-2009

    Hi, Nice...seems like a rap song...I like it..somteimes dropping some of the smaller words make a bigger impact...it leaves the reader with more thought of where your comming from. For being 19 that's really good. I strated poetry very young too like 12 or something...doesn't it feel like you just have to get it out of you sometimes? It is theraputic...free's your brain from pain. Keep going....polish it up abit...you'll grow as you age.
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    quickwrite commented on Mr. Teacher

    09-19-2009

    I think this poem has a solid theme but I had a hard time understanding the form.
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    rougepriest commented on Mr. Teacher

    09-19-2009

    its kinda cool but im old school so it really dont appeal to my sense of rhythm but i get it, sounds too ghetto for a white boi. like posing but you can see you have intelligence anyway maybe try something from the heart instead of the usual rap crap thats somehow been accepted as art part of the dumbing down of americas youth i suppose, i say reject it and be original OG
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    A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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