My poor heart was broken,

She left me without a token,

I grabbed my chicken and started chokin’

And didn’t come up with much;

Getting sick from a health food diet,

A man at my door wants me to try it,

I close my door after I deny it

Feeling just a little out of touch;

Walk with your shadow before you,

Your contrived chauvinism shows through,

I’m just looking for habits that are new

And feeling a little bit mean;

Loosen up as your boot heels start clicken’,

Slow down as your pace quickens,

Stand up before you take a lickin’

And remember that life is a nude scene;

Too old to steal, too young to retire,

Life goes on as the death count gets higher,

Too much sex can make you tire

But you’re guaranteed to smile a lot;

Your patience puts me to the test,

Pull over a cop and make a citizens arrest,

I invite a woman over to my nest

And turn the temperature extremely hot;

Bob the meteorologist

Looks out the windows

To tell us all which

Way the wind blows;

Every night I’m in front

Of the mirror groomin’

And doing it all for

The love of a woman;

Veterans are living homeless on the street,

We pay cops to eat donuts on their beat,

I hate women with smelly feet

And yuppie cowboys who think they’re cool;

Cleopatra was a spoiled brat

Who made Julius Caesar a lucky cat,

His buddy Brutus was a low down rat

But Mark Antony was to be the next fool;

I wonder about love and what it’s for,

Why so many women have shown me the door,

Cupid must be rotten to the core

And I’m tired of assholes having all the luck;

My best friends girl was my lover once,

She grew tired of my smart-ass stunts,

One step up from the class room dunce,

I hide my head and it gets stuck;

Children fight our wars and build our cities

Then grow up to sing silly ditties,

I want to eat you my little pretties,

Some women always have their legs spread;

Jehovah nitwits are dumb as bricks,

Latter day saints have teeny dicks,

Most religion is for the hicks

And let’s face it, Jesus is just dead;

People are in dumpsters

Looking for food,

Spoiled yuppies think

Honesty is rude;

The next generation

Is sadly alive

And I’m in deep shit

With my sexual drive;

I may be a wise man and no one cares,

Evil Kneival won many dares,

Grizzly Adams really loved bears

And I’m really afraid of spiders;

It’s amazing what life is about,

It’ll make one person laugh and another pout,

I once knew a man who was short and stout

But his belly kept getting wider;

I’m the king of sobriety, so they say,

Some people even think I’m gay,

It’s been awhile since I’ve rolled in the hay

But I’ll be your lover for awhile;

Let’s find a place where can run

Where the virgin skies are filled with sun,

Then I’ll shoot the president with a gun

And go down in history in style;

John the divine smoked cheap pot

Then wrote revelations without a guilty thought,

He sat on the beach to let his mind rot

And asked god to tell him why;

God answered with a stuttering tongue

And sent a golden calf full of dung

Then lowered Jacobs ladder without a rung

And became a recluse in the sky;

The world is full

Of so much greed

While too many good

People are in need;

I’m looking in

Places subterranean

For the love of

Any woman . . .