Cold & Heartless, words when heard sting at the sound

Words that have befallen me, defeated eyes to the ground

Never meaning to be at all, yet predetermined by the past

A loving, caring person, feelings that have been masked

A rock is ugly and jagged, on the surface that you see

But within it is beautiful, it sparkles with luminosity

Like a stone in the water, I've weathered my storms

My emotions now corroded, perceivably torn 

Fighting to keep the past, from influencing the now

Yet my will is overtaken, by memories somehow

The barriers I have built, contain an Achilles’ heel

The secret location however, regretfully I can't reveal

Don't think for a moment now, I'm doubting that you care

Even though you constantly doubt me, admittedly unfair

 To you caring isn't enough, you want me to be in love

A fairytale feeling, the kind you've always dreamed of

How can I ever feel for you, in a word I disbelieve?

When the only "love" I possess, is for my family

That's the only love I know, so please forgive my apprehension

I know I get confusing, at times it's beyond my comprehension

I'm striving to be "normal", get my emotions intact

But sometimes it's easier, to be emotionless in fact

Unfortunately that's hurting, ones I care for dearly

Ruining relationships, and destroying us clearly

This quest will be conquered, and I’m grateful for the backing

I hope i can make up for, all the love I’ve been lacking.

written 7/17/09