So surreal for me to write this as I stand alone in the presence of my Grandfather as a man broken, like he who lies prone before me. I spoke to him but I was not heard. I clench his placid hand for assurance of reality only to have it lay immobile within mine. His non-healing bones and damaged mind both are the unforgiving attributes of old age, dealing him the ultimate of slow and inevitable and I can do nothing. I fell to my knees in tears as I held the hand, which held mine when I was so small. Mesmerized by the kind loving hand of one that nurtured the seed of truth I cry out in silent prayer “Why? Where is your glory in this?”
Tears poured down my cheek while my free hand clinches into a fist as I continue to question, “What can this wonderful creation give to you lying like this!”

I bow my head to roll it back and forth to shake the misery within. I lift my head to unleash the silent fury bringing forth a demand “Who can benefit from this” as I gaze upward through a veil of tears. Unanswered I dropped my head, slowly unclasp my clinched fist and set it upon his hand to lie numb.
In anguish, I sob silently “Tell me please, the benefit of this mockery. I have searched your word and I found nothing that bears fruit in this. He can no longer grab the plow. His voice cannot praise your name or answer my cry so please in your entire wisdom share with me something that eases my heart. Please.”
Now drenched in tears I rest my head on his bedside lost to the swirling emotions.

As my body trembles under the load of unanswered questions and selfish burdens, I felt the slightest pressure of grip from his hand. I lift my head in acknowledgment and began to rise but the grip tightens as a signal of presence and the voice that I so longed to hear softly began with courage and unwavering faith “Thank you for the full and satisfying life you’ve given me. I thank you for my grandson who you know I love so very much. I pray everyday for your blessings to fall upon him gentle as nourishing rain. Today my prayer to you is to ease his failing heart so he may know that everyday as I face upward I pray incessantly. Even in silence, I will continue until you take me as I entered. I thank you for keeping my mind filled with wonderful things and for the painless rest. I pray that you may help him to know that after the winter there is spring and with it brings a new beginning. So please I ask, ease his heart of the burdens within so I may see his face as one unafraid to reap what has already been sown. Through the name of Jesus I pray these things.”


I write not for the tears that are falling, nor for those that fall from confusion, rather, to share the assurance you'll soon understand.
The surreal you see, is not only for me.
To which side it may be, when you grasp the hand.