Spring Brown, the Beginning
Spring brown, a time when birdsSpring Brown, the Beginning
6 Comments
Tags: Nature
Poem Commentary
I tried to take a challenge posted in the forum.scream and play like children,
when dark concrete soil thaws
turns soft, becomes melted brick
mush in the rain sotted
puddle-luscious countryside.
I watch the cold, wet hills
swallow the evening sun
smother the embers of day
in its dark mouth, hills
like uneven teeth grin,
spring's colorless metaphor.
Barn swallows, brown again,
dart, rise, dive, turn, dash
along silver-tinted puddles
with no true color but dirt
streak like stones skipped
over quicksilver on ochre.
The dark water breathes
pale, pearlescent mist ghosts
night colored, clinging to hosts
in the first dun light of
early morning-ever-after of
the beginning of days.
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Poem Comments
(6)
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laydbak1 commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning
07-05-2009
- A very nice piece, brilliant imagery of those first few days marking the end of winter, and the beginning of the thawing of spring... It's a bit different here in the south, ie, naked tree limbs, mushy cold ground, warming skies, and the silky bright, yellow-gold daffodils and jonquils assuring us old man winter is officially leaving the building... A good write...
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07/10/2009
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wheelsal commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning
06-29-2009
- You have a good write and love the imagery. This is my first read of your poetry. Looking forward to more.
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UnworthyFather commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning
06-28-2009
- Really good job! I love the imagery you portray here. Great new take on spring, here. Most focus on the budding blooms and the sprouting greenery. You have captured well the dull drabness of the early spring, and turned it's mushiness into something quite beautiful. Great job. Thanks for sharing. 10
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06/29/2009
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StandingBear commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning
06-27-2009
- Yes a very nice write with pleasant imagery. A bit is lost without stanzas to pace the read to the reader.
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BrielleC commented on Spring Brown, the Beginning
06-27-2009
- A lot of vivid imagery here... I could almost feel the mud between my toes and fingers as it melted from the winter's chill to spring warmth. On thing, I would suggest is breaking it up into stanzas... it just seems to kinda whiz by the reader a bit without fully appreciating its beauty... in this form, you ahve to read a couple of times to capture every word and scene.
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06/29/2009
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