I pick up the phone and dial hesitantly.
I want him to answer.
But I have nothing to say.  Why?

I just need to hear his voice.
To seek comfort and reassurance
that he was real and therefore I am.

He answers the phone with his throaty "Hello."
I answer and pray that he asks
"How are you?"  He does.  I breathe.

It stops then as he is no longer mine.
He asks, "What do you want?"
But his tone is annoying, accusing.
He does not want me to want anything.

I ramble on about a friend.
He already knows the story - he says,
"Well, thanks. Gotta go."  He's gone.

I hold the dead phone and I feel dead too.
Why do I do this?  Why keep hurting myself?
Why can't I forget and move on as he has?

I cannot believe he was my life, my soul.
I need to connect and find myself in him.
But he has discarded me, my love and my soul.

I place the receiver down.
I look out the window and see rain, sun and
life moving on around me.

I am not dead, but I am not fully alive.
I know now that I must seek a new life
to live again and find me and heal
my shattered soul.