Rules

Take the iPod out of your ears
Flush the Thorazine down the toilet
Quit reading the Bible on the subway
Don't use religion as a form of methadone
Tear down that shrine to the Beatles
Remind yourself daily that football is evil
Give the money that you were going to spend on lottery tickets to Ralph Nader
Don't laugh at Greenpeace
Stop voting for people named "Bush"
Look up the word "terrorist" in a dictionary before you use it again
Think for yourself and at least one other person
Stop pretending that you don't watch TV
When you see a celebrity, instead of an autograph, ask for money
Only rob young, healthy people
Treat people with tans like the vain, superficial, skin cancer-ridden freaks that they are
Don't feed LSD to puppies
Remind yourself daily that caffeine is evil
Avoid asking stupid questions like, "Why don't alcoholics just stop drinking?"
Rock out constantly but don't talk about it
Never shout the phrase "rock 'n' roll" while holding a rifle
Look up the word "progressive" in a dictionary before you use it again
Be nice to cops until you can get close enough to one of their guns
If you get the chance, spit on Rupert Murdoch
After masturbating, be sure to call yourself the next day
Give it up for teachers
Be nice to cab drivers
Tip your waitress
Turn the lights off when you leave
And
Most important of all
Never
Ever
Touch me