In my room, I am crying out to a silent god. Now I am waiting for his retribution. Twelve months ago, I found god deep inside a waterfall of endless tears, raining from my lover’s eyes. Like a vampire I drank her pain. She wanted me to blanket her torment with every ounce of love I can muster. I trampled on her dreams and killed her innocence. I vow to my heartless god that I will always protect the insecure soul that calls out for freedom. Yesterday, I dreamt of angels saving me from my doom as I carried a bloody dagger. As they carried me away, I stared at the puddle leaking from my father’s wound. Please don’t cry, I saved a life…

I remember the first time, my sister was with her boyfriend and I was a child, no more than three. He didn’t want to wait for the ring, for the last “I do.” All the promises became ruthless lies as I screamed “Leave her alone.” A gun to my head was to be the best reason to hush my piercing words. The barrel was as cold as death as I could feel the burning scent of alcohol inside my nose. Never again will I cry and be silent in the corner,never again when the innocence of an infantile girl is at stake. I am not a nonentity I will save someone’s life. I will be a sanctuary of the butterflies. Fly, fly away, so your dust can give floral life to the planet earth. Fly up to heaven, where nothing ever falls apart.Go to god, who lies deep inside a waterfall. I’ll be there as soon as I’m done.

         You didn’t know I was the reason that she cried. You couldn’t ever tell that it was me that broke her heart. She trusted me to make sure everything was going to be alright. I should have stayed, my only regret. Just an hour has past since I read her last text message. It read to me, “it happened again.” She wasn’t lying; the phone hit the floor as I realized it was him all along. Where’s that gun so I can kill him? That was the question that made its way into my cerebrum. Of coarse it was gone. There is no way this would be that simple. Standing in the hall, he smoked his last cigarette. His eyes glared at mine, he could see hate flowing through the green of my iris. It was simple, unlike I predicted… The knife in my pocket killed him quicker than I thought it would. It was quiet also. Silence is handy when you don’t want to cause attention. Then again, I want everyone to know “Here lies a man who gave in to his sexual desires and died for it.” That is exactly what I carved into his chest with the same blade that slit his throat.

     I can’t find an angel to take me away. Did I do wrong? Was it just my imagination haunting me? My thoughts fooling me into thinking that the world could be fixed by the death of just one filthy, degenerate pedophile. Must I wander the globe killing evil before the angels will carry me away? It is obviously apparent that I am not done; God has more for me to do…

     I am restless tonight because I started a war between love and hate. Hate has been a fire that infiltrated the strongest hearts. Love is bliss, fighting is not our style… But love is fluid, like the rain that two lovers kiss under. It’s in the lakes. Love is in the rivers of the Amazon. Love just went over the mountainside, where I found god deep inside a waterfall…