A DOE MY DEER

1 Comments

A DOE MY DEER

In the silence in the distance in the stillness of night 
till the morning glaring of dawns early light
A doe waits quiet wanting quickly births delight
slowly turning twisting pushing it's way through,
it is a fawn oh wait there are two.
what a joy, hope and fear how could this be two to feed two to protect to teach how to leap and how to flee,
what are the best berries of the bushy trees
will they listen watch those lights
will they learn the sounds of day and danger of night 
the singing of the birds that all is right
the growls that come when you must take flight.
the heard awaits, but for now we rest as the sun sets,
there's so much to do to teach and to learn for one day it will be their turn.

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jj1562 commented on A DOE MY DEER

07-18-2024

nic little ditty about a nature scene. It could do with some formatting. Maybe this? In the silence . . . in the distance, in the stillness of night, [In] the morning glaring of dawns early light A doe waits [with/in] quiet wanting [Wishing/Hoping in] quickly births delight slowly turning twisting, pushing it's way through, it is a fawn [another adjective maybe covered in afterbirth or a helpless fawn, a vulnerable fawn oh wait there are two. what a joy, hope and fear[!] how could this be two to feed two to protect [too] [two] to teach how to leap and how to flee, what are the best berries of the bushy trees will they listen watch those lights will they learn the sounds of day and [verb such as hear, harken, understand]danger of night the singing of the birds that [signal it's ] all is right the growls that come when you must take flight. the heard awaits, but for now we rest as the sun sets . period not comma] there's so much to do to teach and to learn for one day [soon?] it will be their turn. You've got great bones and reminds me of my earliest poems Sorry if I offended you with the edits I just want to preserve the art as much as possible and you've got the right mindset of art not just stream of consciousness. -Jsar/jj1562 married tag)

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

fire2lite4’s Poems (11)

Title Comments
Title Comments
A DOE MY DEER 1
MY CHILD 0
IF~ A MIDNIGHT THOUGHT 1
HOW I FEEL 1
You Love Me! 0
UNMASK 0
HE CALLED ME FRIEND!? 1
WE'RE TWISTED 1
MON COEUR 0
Howd you get in? 1
SHUCKS 0