Original Poetry Forums

HELP PLEASE!! its urgent

Post Reply
10-20-2010 at 08:53:07 PM

HELP PLEASE!! its urgent

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Everyone can be different.
It's not like we don't know 1+2=3
Were all worth more then 1 cent
Why can't people be who they want to be?
Theres nothing wrong with being who you are.
You are you, and i am me.
Why can't we be a shiney star
Without someone making fun of our identity.

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Maybe someone just likes math,
People just wont let some be free.
Some people just tease and laugh.

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Its just wrong and unfair
Making fun of someone for thier identity.
People just dont understand and care.
It honestly hurts them.
Don't you see? theres nothing wrong with him.

They want to be who they feel they should be.
Just please
Don't make fun of them for there identity.


This poem is going to be submitten for a magazine at my school called 2010 Literary Magazine i haven't submitted it yet tell me what you think,, and tell my if its goof or bad be hoonest please..
It will have to be by 10/22/2010 please hurry:D

Quote
Flag Post
10-20-2010 at 10:32:18 PM
  • kah
  • kah
  • Posts: 339

RE: HELP PLEASE!! its urgent

Hi Britt!

I posted a comment on your page.

What I suggested was: Change "shiney" to "shiny" no e

and make sure you capitalize the "I" - don't use lower case i

I love the poem - very well done - great message.

Kah

Quote
Flag Post
10-21-2010 at 03:13:09 AM

RE: HELP PLEASE!! its urgent

Quote:
Originally Posted by britt

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Everyone can be different.
It's not like we don't know 1+2=3
Were all worth more then 1 cent
Why can't people be who they want to be?
Theres nothing wrong with being who you are.
You are you, and i am me.
Why can't we be a shiney star
Without someone making fun of our identity.

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Maybe someone just likes math,
People just wont let some be free.
Some people just tease and laugh.

Why can't people be who they want to be?
Its just wrong and unfair
Making fun of someone for thier identity.
People just dont understand and care.
It honestly hurts them.
Don't you see? theres nothing wrong with him.

They want to be who they feel they should be.
Just please
Don't make fun of them for there identity.


This poem is going to be submitten for a magazine at my school called 2010 Literary Magazine i haven't submitted it yet tell me what you think,, and tell my if its goof or bad be hoonest please..
It will have to be by 10/22/2010 please hurry:D


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&


This poem of the didactic type is good,Britt. You have used the anaphora and refrain line very well, in order to keep your audience focussed on your question, "Why can't people be who that want to be. My opinion is, your poem is appropriate for your school magazine, However, ask a friend or an English teacher to edit it for you, before submitting it.. Kudos.

Quote
Flag Post
Post Reply
Top of Page

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.
Top of Page