Those Smelly Feet!!!

Here are three of the main forms of meter in writing rhymed poetry - anapestic, trochaic and iambic.


-------------------------anapestic----------------------------------


When you WANT all the WORDS to just FLOW like the SEA
and you DON'T know the METH-od then TAKE it from ME.
This great STYLE is the AN-swer to MAKE it come TRUE,
just two SHORTS and one LONG is the THING you can DO.

.........................trochaic.......................................

WANT to MAKE it POW-er-FUL? then THIS form DOES it WELL.
START-ing OUT tro-CHA-ic IS the WAY to WEAVE this SPELL.
LEAD-ing SOUNDS that CATCH the READ-er's EYE is THIS form's KEY.
START with ONE strong SYL-a-BLE and YOU will QUICK-ly SEE.

............................iambic.......................................

i-AM-bic STANDS out AS the LEAD-er OF po-ET-ic VERSE.
al-THOUGH to MAST-er THIS one FORM can MAKE a PREACH-er CURSE.
short, LONG, short LONG, just TAP your FEET and YOU will DO it WELL.
you MAY be-COME a POE or ROB-ert SER-vice. WHO can TELL?

Choose one of the three metrical forms and write a poem with it. Let me know which form you are using.

Walking to School

I tried to use trochaic. Our feet are hurting, along with the scent.
We need to save Maddi a seat, my message sent......


Walking Maddi to School

There is a girl I admire
She always rides her bike
Colored red with thick tires
Her smile is what I do like

Semester has started cool
Much on my mind, with missed chance
Curious, what is a fool?
Maybe it’s circumstance

My friends say, she likes you guy;
She is a little shy?
Juve’ thoughts of a juvenile
Whirled by the wind of her smile

I feel so bad, for not seeing
That I have hit the snooze
Being so young, and learning
the choices we have to choose

This morning is very crisp
What is the wind trying to convey?
Traces of will in my lisp
Here now in the young day?

My eyes, now lead by my nose
Illuminating so exposed
There she is by the tree
Here I go, come on me!

Hi, what is wrong with your bike?
You have a flat. I can
walk you to school if you like
I hope you understand

Assignments keep me busy
Now your bikes on my mind
Sorry I forget, are you with me?
Your beauty makes me dizzy

Must be the chores we do
I wanted to ask you
to walk with me to school
I always see that you’re cool

Can I please carry your books?
I can feel my heart beat
Sorry it took as long as it took
She smiled as we walked down the street

Transfer to poetry class
We learn celestial
cities and oceans’ sea grass
Meteor factual

She said, what?: It’s word play
Raining letter vowels
Pretty things like you, I say
Together we will trowel

She said I’ll like this, do they
have narrative writing?
Oh yes, it starts soon in May
Much more, soon everything

http://www.originalpoetry.com/walking-maddi-to-school

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

I like the poem and the thought behind it, John. As far as trochaic is concerned, remember that you must begin with an accented syllable followed by an unaccented one. The following line beginnings do not follow that pattern....

There is...
She always...
Her smile....
Semester..
My friends...
Juve thoughts..
I feel...
The choices
This morning..
Here now...
My eyes...
Illuminating..
Hi, what...
You have....
I hope..
Assignments...
Your beauty..
Must be...
I wanted...
To walk....
I always...
She smiled...
We learned...
She said...
Together...
She said...
Have narrative..
Oh, yes...
Much more..

If you read these you will find that they begin with an unaccented syllable followed by an accented one, which makes it not trochaic, but iambic. With practice you will see the difference, I;m sure. At any rate, Ithink Maddi will love it!

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!! with Trochaic Meter

Form 5 Couplets, Trochaic, 10 Meter


Amish Sisters
__________



Twelve-year youngster, taking girls as SINful
carried inside, twenty hidden year-fulls

gentle God's land, festered boyman grew mold
inside, his eyes, death-like visions took hold

here comes vengeance, dressed as screaming "all through"
planning mutant justice, tie them, subdue

Wrongly Frightened, knowing, he wants to die
little children, holding sisters good-bye

never judging, crying, mommy help us
Where was anger... wanting, buying solace

sofly Angels, lay on hardwood school floor
hearts that pardoned, breathing slow to no more.



10 girls, aged 6 - 13 were shot, 5 survived.
Nickel Mines, PA 10-2-1006

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

What an incredible chilling piece, springsize!....made even moreso by the reality of it. This is one to raise goosebumps on skin. Thank you for sharing it.

As far as the lesson is concerned, the trochaic broke down in only one place..."inside", beginning the fourth line is iambic. A way to change that would be "In his eyes, the death-like visions took hold." For that to be the only one, I would say you have an excellent understanding of trochaic meter. Very nice going....

RE: Those Smelly Feet - assignment by Aria

Couplets, iambic pentameter



Even-tide


In this sweet, morning day the birds did sing
and woke me from a simple, happy dream.

In my quiet hours of even-tide and stars
the thought of love and loss is never far.

A prince, an occasion of a life-time,
once graced my days in happiness divine.

Though mem'ry now is all I have it seems,
each night I pray that God my love will beam

Upon the one I love and bring him near
through shadows dark, I have nothing to fear.

My love, my love, will soon be by my side
if only, in my dreams at even-tide.

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

Ah, dear Aria, you have me fit to be tide with this one! It's very touching...

In this sweet, morning day the birds did sing
and woke me from a simple, happy dream.

In my quiet hours of even-tide and stars
the thought of love and loss is never far.

A prince, an occasion of a life-time,
once graced my days in happiness divine.

Though mem'ry now is all I have it seems,
each night I pray that God my love will beam

Upon the one I love and bring him near
through shadows dark, I have nothing to fear.

My love, my love, will soon be by my side
if only, in my dreams at even-tide.

As far as the lesson goes, there are a few bumps in the iambic road.

The first two lines are great iambic....BUT.. you touchd on one of your dear teacher's pet peeves. NEVER stick in a word like DID in order to maintain the flow and syllable count of a line. It sticks out like a sore thumb and cheapens the poem.

Solution: Find another way to say it, like.....

In this sweet morning day I heard birds sing

The third line is not iambic...it begins with an anapest and also has one syllable too many.

in my QUI-et HOURS of EV-en TIDE and STARS

Solution: remove the word "my". it's not necessary and makes the iambic perfect.

The fifth line is not iambic.

a PRINCE, an o-CAS-ion OF a LIFE-time.

You have two unaccented syllables together, "an o-".

Solution: the word occasion has to go, and the rhyme of life-time/divine is weak. Let's change it.

A prince who showed up in this life of mine

The tenth line is not iambic..

through SHA-dows DARK, i have NO-thing to FEAR. (-thing to), two unaccented syllables together.

Solution: This one is simple. SImply make nothing two words and the iambic is preserved!

That's it! Let's see what we have....

In this sweet morning day I heard birds sing
To wake me from a simple, happy dream.

In quiet hours of even-tide and stars
The thought of love and loss is never far.

A prince who showed up in this life of mine
Once graced my days in happiness divine.

Though mem'ry now is all I have it seems,
each night I pray that God my love will beam

Upon the one I love and bring him near
through shadows dark, I have no thing to fear.

My love, my love, will soon be by my side
if only, in my dreams at even-tide.

So read yours, read mine and see which has a better iambic flow. You may like yours, and that's ok by me. I only ofer suggestions. In the end, it's YOUR poem!





Ps: On second thought I would change the tenth line to read.

Through shadows dark, there's nothing there to fear....sounds better.

Last edited by Balladeer 04-26-2010 at 09:14:20 PM

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

Thank you, Balladeer! Yes, the iambic meter of the poem re-written in your words is much smoother.

In Texan, every poem is trochaic....you know why? Because we all have to yell the first word to be heard. I swear, there is no iambic in Texas twang....it's a far cry from Shakespeare! but we do have Willie and that makes it okay with me.

Thanks, again, and we're on to the next assignment....hope you will still be smiling!

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

I';ll always smile at you, Aria.

I know what you mean about regional pronounciation. Going to school in Louisiana I was certain yes was a two-syllable word!

Last edited by Balladeer 04-26-2010 at 10:07:02 PM

RE: RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

OK, this one gave me quite a challenge, but I’m really hoping I was able to meet the guidelines. I’m afraid that I became so engrossed with the parameters set forth that I was dissatisfied with the content. I suppose I’m hoping that over time I will become more comfortable with these styles and then be able to improve on the content. Anyway, here is my attempt at trochaic. 
Summer’s powers are revealed,
Flowers decorate the field,
Picnic basket at my feet,
Birds singing songs so sweet,
Love is in the air today,
Felt in each of the sun’s rays,
Kites are floating overhead,
Frisbees land in clover beds,
Only one thing mars this day,
Driving two hours just to play

RE: RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

[quote="Balladeer"]What an incredible chilling piece, springsize!....made even moreso by the reality of it. This is one to raise goosebumps on skin. Thank you for sharing it.

As far as the lesson is concerned, the trochaic broke down in only one place..."inside", beginning the fourth line is iambic. A way to change that would be "In his eyes, the death-like visions took hold." For that to be the only one, I would say you have an excellent understanding of trochaic meter. Very nice going....[/quote]
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Good, Professor Balladeer! You are earning your tenure. Your students, including truant me, though not many, appear to be healthy and trying from your guidance and gentle,. encouraging critique. THANKS.

Last edited by cousinsoren 05-11-2010 at 01:55:40 AM

RE: RE: Those Smelly Feet!!! with Trochaic Meter

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

My dear simoneaugustus....

Summer’s powers are revealed,
Flowers decorate the field,
Picnic basket at my feet,
Birds singing songs so sweet,
Love is in the air today,
Felt in each of the sun’s rays,
Kites are floating overhead,
Frisbees land in clover beds,
Only one thing mars this day,
Driving two hours just to play



Excellent work! I can see you put a lot of effort into this assignment and it shows. Yes, it is always difficult at the beginning when one is trying to pay so much attention to maintaining the style that the poem itself suffers but, after practice, you may find that it flows a lot more naturally and your message benefits from having it told in such a pleasing way.

Most of this poem is very good trochaic with only minor glitches. They are...

Birds singing songs so sweet,
BIRDS SING-ing SONGS so SWEET

There is really no way to say that line without putting the accent on SING and not ING. SInce the second syllable in a trochaic line must be unaccented, that won't work here. You may also notice that every line on your poem has 7 syllables (fantastic work, by the way), except for this one, which has 6. THAT is what cause you to lose the meter. Let's add the missing syllable and bring it back into line.

Birds that sing their song so sweet.......how about that?


Felt in each of the sun’s rays,
FELT in EACH of the SUN'S RAYS.

For this line to be trochaic, the accent would have to be on THE, which just isn't happening. You wind up with two unaccented syllables (of the) followed by two accented ones (sun's rays) which hurts the flow of the lines. This correction is easy...the "the needs to go".

Felt in each of sun's hot rays.......that works pretty well!


So now we have...

Summer’s powers are revealed,
Flowers decorate the field,
Picnic basket at my feet,
Birds that sing their song so sweet,
Love is in the air today,
Felt in each of sun’s hot rays,
Kites are floating overhead,
Frisbees land in clover beds,
Only one thing mars this day,
Driving two hours just to play

Viola...a perfect trochaic poem! I am beyond impressed that you were able to do so well on your first attempt. The changes needed were minimal and all of your other lines were right on the money with rhythm, flow, syllable count and even the message of the poem...very nice work!

RE: Those Smelly Feet!!!

Hi, Teach! Well, I was quite embarrassed upon reading that first correction because I realized it was a typo on my part! Whoops! The line was supposed to read:
Birds are singing songs so sweet
So I think that one was actually supposed to be correct, I just mistyped. My bad! But for the other line, I must thank you deeply because I didn't even catch that one! Yes, it was hard, but I appreciate your words of advice as well as your guidance. I'm hoping next time may be more smooth. Thanks again!

Last edited by simoneaugustus 05-11-2010 at 11:42:14 AM