Original Poetry Forums

"YOU"

10-13-2009 at 02:02:08 PM

"YOU"

Remember when you used to call on God
And just knew he would hear you…that was Faith,
Why did it change.
What are you thinking…or not thinking,
How did you get to this point.
Don’t you see the reaction to your actions.
You zone everyone and everything out,
And just think of yourself…or do you think.
You’re loosing control and can’t even see it,
You still think you can do it all…but can you.
You figure, if you can’t beat em…join them,
This makes you even worse than them
Because now they are controlling you.
You used to be strong and independent,
Now you depend... on anything or anyone that offers,
Why are you settling…don’t you know you deserve better.
And sadly…you’ve left out the most important things…God & your family,
They do deserve more, and know you do too.
Why won’t you give them what they need most…your unconditional love,
If you are going to zone anything or anyone don’t let it be them.
You always put them first before…what has changed,
They will always be your family…and always look up to you.
Let them always remember all the good you at least tried to do,
Let anything or anyone else find another person to bring down.
You can do this again…remember, Let Go and Let God.

10-13-2009 at 02:18:19 PM

Re: "YOU"

I've read this twice and both times I get the feeling that I'm reading a letter not a poem. Perhaps it's just me, but Maybe you could streamline it a bit. Not sure. Hope this helps you.

10-14-2009 at 10:31:42 AM

Re: "YOU"

hoth2o...thank you for your input...and as soon as I read your reply I knew exactly what you meant...before writing this I had just writtn a two page letter to my child venting about how I felt...I guess I should have written it after I had calmed down a bit...sorry if I wasted your time.

10-14-2009 at 12:36:55 PM

Re: "YOU"

Hello, Nanny...your words speak so hard, but yet there is a soft philosophy about it. Call it prose, poetry, or a read, it is nice...and I have Faith in my heart.

And now, maybe you could critique my poem, She Cries No More.......................... surprised

gogant................................. oh oh

10-15-2009 at 09:40:41 AM

Re: "YOU"

gogant...Thank you for you comments...I know sometimes I let my emotions play more of a part when it comes to my writings, I think I need to work on that...

Nanny...

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.